Brighter days ahead

This is a picture of the Superstition Mountains in Apache Junction, AZ -- about 35 miles East of downtown Phoenix and on this particular day they were uncharacteristically shrouded in mist and clouds. It was fitting for my mood on this day, December 9, 2019 one day after my mom passed. As much as you can prepare yourself for death it always seems to come as a shock -- ripping through what is an otherwise even keel existence.

My mom and I had an interesting relationship. Enough said.

One day in the Spring of 2015 I got a panicked call from some friends that mom had visited the doctor and had her license revoked. I was living in AZ and she in OR, so I flew home to check out the issue. Turns out after visiting the neurologist she was diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer's. As a newbie to this I had no idea what that really meant but given my mom was living alone and really had no one to help her I had to make some pretty quick decisions. So I literally moved her out of her apartment of 25 years and into my home in Gilbert, AZ in the matter of 48 hours.

She was angry and confused for at least a year... maybe longer. I was trying to manage a 4 year old, a full time job and my mom. At some point at I had to find help, someone to keep her engaged while I went about my business. Finding someone she liked is a completely different story but eventually it worked out... until it didn't.

She started to slide. Her faculties and ability to care for herself was rapidly declining. So I found a group home where she could could live and they could help manage her care. That transition was hard -- she hated me briefly and then forgot. We visited her at least once a week and took her out to her favorite saloon overlooking the Superstition Mountains. She loved to listen to the country music, have some wine and watch her granddaughter play the guitar.

Nearing the end of the second year in the group home my mom started declining rapidly. Very quickly she wasn't able to walk or feed herself and then she was bedridden. I visited her late the morning of Saturday, Dec. 7 to spend time with her before my daughter's 8th birthday party sleepover. The next morning after all her friends departed and we were headed out to visit her other grandma I received the call that my mom had passed away.

We turned the car around and I left by myself -- I wanted it that way -- to go process and handle my mom's death. It was brutal and it was a relief. I feel guilty for saying that but I didn't want her to have years and years without the ability to do anything for herself. A little less than five years and she was gone from my life.

I'm grateful for those last few years. As hard as they were, I would give anything for one more day with her. One more day taking her to the Mammoth Saloon at Goldfield Ghosttown in the Superstition Mountains where we enjoyed her last days in style and together.

Alzheimer's is a brutal disease. If you need any help navigating it with a family member, loved one or friend please reach out. I also highly recommend the Alzheimer's Association.

#family #alzheimers